Sunday, May 18, 2008
Now... Recently completed courses in "working the parents 101" "I am the cutest baby in the world and how to use that to my advantage: an overview" and the "tantrums: the world can be yours" course. We now understand that if we play our cards right, we have everyone on puppet strings...
Forget this seat, I'm getting out of here! You people are boring.
And there you have it!
Friday, May 9, 2008
As the days of mommyhood get easier, I often think back to pregnancy and all those books I read about birth plans and the "experience" of labor and those first few weeks and all those plans I made. And I have to admit, like most women, there are a few things I would do very differently.
10. While I believe there is never an inappropriate time to have Starbucks, downing a Grande Latte on an empty stomach three days before my due date, and coincidentally, two hours before my water broke might not have been enough to sustain me through the 24 hours of labor and delivery. Next time, I might add a carrot muffin to that order.
9. In retrospect, inviting my friends who are 'considering' having babies over to my house the first month home from the hospital might have been a bit insensitive. While I knew that I would eventually comb my hair and get out of Andy's yard shirt and what I referred to as my lounging pants (Andy had a different name for them) for all my girlfriend knew..."I" was what "happened" to women after they had babies. I still have one friend who might have changed her mind about kids permanently after she visited the zombies known as Andy and Rachel while we described how fantastic parenthood was with our monotone voices and our baggy eyes.
8. I would have packed differently. It is very important to have shoe and ensemble choices in Jamaica or on some exotic vacation, but sitting in a hospital room, post baby, is not the time to think about what you might feel "cute" in today. I found that I had packed things like 8 bottles of gatorade, a pair of earrings, four tubes of lipstick and no hairbrush...I had nine months to pack, you would have thought I'd have planned better.
7. If you end up wearing last night's mascara into the delivery room, make sure that your birth plan includes someone who is solely responsible for smoothing your hair and wiping under your eyes before those first "precious" pics are taken. My post delivery shots look like I was headlining at Goth Fest.
6. Never, never try and do the stand sideways and suck your stomach in pose in front of the mirror at the hospital five hours after you've had a baby...you will start to wonder if they really did get the baby out or if there might be another one in there still.
5. I don't think I would come home from the hospital, put my precious bundle down for a nap and comment on how easy this new mommy thing was...just stay away from famous last words in general.
4. As much as you want to hear labor stories before you have your baby...don't ask to hear them. You will find yourself on the phone with your OBGYN saying things like, "Well, getting this baby out is NOT my problem...you better think of something because I'm not going through labor that's for sure!"
3. I would not take any kind of tour...no hospital tour, no pediatric tour...no wonder our mothers and grandmothers laugh at us...we have to have orientations for EVERYTHING! Needless to say, two hours into our pediatric tour, Andy was looking out the window at a man in the parking lot saying things to me like, "I remember a time when we were in that parking lot. Do you think we'll see our families again?"
2. Don't spare your husband's feelings or try and 'feel him out' after YOU'VE just had the baby. Give him a honey do list...it's what he wants.
1. Lastly, I think next time, I'll stay at the hospital longer. Nothing beats having a staff of people worrying about your child's every need so you can get some rest.
But, despite the learning curve, It sure is the best thing in the world to have a chubby pair of cheeks to kiss on everyday!
Happy Mother's Day