I am not going to lie.
I am drained.
Plus I'm constantly sweating.
The other night I was frantically trying to finish making dinner so I could feed everyone before Wesley imploded into a puddle of exhausted tears and I found that I was just drenched in sweat. It was meltdown o'thirty and I was willing the chicken with my mind to cook faster so it could just pass the salmonella danger zone and I could feed it to everyone and get the night moving. It's the frantic beginning of school phase paired with the final months of a muggy summer. It's just one frizzy hair day after another...but with permission slips and school lunches...and sweat.
I am trying to get used to the demanding schedule that fall brings. You know the one that requires that we get dressed and brush our teeth? I don't miss the constant questions and the bored faces, but I do miss how Summer requires so little of us as a family. Summer is just like, "whenever." But then fall comes and it's all like, "NOW." At parent orientation, I get a schedule telling me, to the minute, when everything is. Things aren't at 2:30...no...they are at 2:31.
Oh Fall, it's a good thing you have pumpkin lattes and apple spice candles and no humidity because you intimidate and overwhelm me a bit right now.
When I pictured Sam starting kindergarten, I guess I didn't think about everything that came with it. I didn't think about how "to the minute" our schedules would be. This year, I have a one year old. Not a huge pregnant belly and sciatica (thank you Heavenly Father that I don't have a huge pregnant belly and sciatica...oh and Andy also says thank you...but in ALL CAPS). A one year old. A mobile one. One that I'm pretty sure picked something off the bottom of the broom tonight and put it in his mouth (UGH! GROSS! BLEH!).
I don't know, everything just seems so much more hectic. Not the whole day. Just like the two hours prior to leaving the house in the morning and the three to four hours before I fling everyone into their respective beds and finally sit down.
Where I find that I'm still sweating.
School starting has been a lot more draining than I thought. I have had to set an alarm clock. I haven't set an alarm clock in years. Since before kids. Throughout our marriage (and even before that) Andy and I have always had this Ladyhawk type schedule (It's a movie from 1985...look it up). He works at night and I work during the day. It's the way it's always been. We are very used to it. But it means that literally, one of us is at work and the other is with the kids. Somedays as I'm coming and he's going, we're literally passing a baby with a full diaper and peanut butter hair to the other one with a quick, "I love you and sorry he smells like that, " before we head to our next obligation.
We are blessed, but somedays, like everyone else, we are so drained from our schedule.
And I'll admit, I'm a bit drained right now.
It's why I don't post much.
It's why I don't socialize much.
It's totally why I bought a movie last night and fell asleep during the opening credits.
But I know this exhaustion will pass. The baby will eventually stop putting everything in his mouth. We will acclimate to this new schedule. And maybe...just maybe I'll even figure out how to beat Level 152 in Candy Crush.
And even until then, the boys daily, remind us why we do it. We look at them and we thank God for their sweet faces. We treasure the moments when Samuel cares for Wesley. We laugh at times like when Wesley presses his face up to the pack and play screen. We love our special movie nights with Samuel. We love the love these brothers are already cultivating for each other.
And even in the midst of the craziness, we still find time to steal away for a few moments by ourselves and reflect on how this journey called a family even began.
And we wouldn't have it any other way.