Before I got married, I declared that I would NEVER let the sun set on my anger with my husband.
But then 2AM came and everyone was still mad...and tired and I decided that in reality, a good nights rest can sometimes shine a more forgiving light on things in the morning.
Before I had kids, I said I would NEVER allow them to get their dinner before the rest of the table got theirs. They can just sit patiently, with their hands folded and wait for their meal.
Then I realized what an idiot I was and began ordering my kids chicken nuggets from the parking lot of the restaurant.
I said I would never feed my kids in the grocery store.
How many times have I forgotten to tell the checkout person that the box of teddy grahams is already open? Oops.
I pinky swore with my doctor that my kid would never know what a Dino-nugget was.
Now, there's an ark's worth of animal shaped foods lurking in my kitchen.
My kid was never going to be the kid with bed head running into school late clinging their half eaten pop tart.
But, it seems, on days when trying to calm the hair down by licking my hand and patting down the head of a five year old full of objections doesn't do the job, I indeed have that kid.
My baby was always going to look like he just finished posing for the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. You know the babies, in the cute monogrammed dinosaur towels?
But he looks like that for just the 45 seconds after his bath...then, he mostly just looks like he finished posing for the Kid With Peanut Butter in His Hair magazine.
I was going to not be a mess. I was not going to be the person that childless people pointed at when making their case for remaining childless
...but in the hustle and bustle of life, I fear I may be that woman a lot of the times. And I'm okay with that.
At Kindergarten orientation I scoffed at the transportation form that implied I would ever let MY child ride a bus...certainly not at this age.
But then I sat in elementary school traffic and two days after school started I found myself going through the trash to find the bus riding permission slip. And what once seemed to be the war zone that I would never let my child enter, was now a luxury chauffeur service that came to my neighborhood and gave me 45 extra minutes in the morning to drink coffee and catch up on my Judge Judy episodes.
The truth is, I had a lot of ideas. A lot of theories. A LOT of judgement.
I'm so thankful that reality was nothing like the cold, rigid and uninteresting ideas milling through my head. Because it's been in the chaos and the moments when things aren't going as I expected that I've felt the deepest love and gratitude for my family.
The soaking wet, naked boys running through the upstairs after bath, dripping water everywhere.
The baby grinning ear to ear while simultaneously running his food encrusted hands through his hair.
The hallway hug you give to your sobbing child who woke up at 2AM having had a nightmare.
The 11th shirt change you have conducted in one day on the teething baby.
The times you and your husband are supposed to be on a date, but you can't help wondering what the kids are doing and find that you are spending your romantic evening discussing how much you hate silly putty.
Yep, that's the reality...and I find it to be way more fun.